who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
