Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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