i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
