A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
