Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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