I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can I color on your dick again?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
