is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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