I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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