he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
