I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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