It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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