I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
