Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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