Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
only you would photoshop your dick
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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