so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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