is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
