So drunk its hurt
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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