I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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