i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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