not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
