whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
