Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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