If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
