Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize