Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I deserve this hangover.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
