I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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