i would punch a child for taco bell
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
