I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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