I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
