never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
