Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize