After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
