I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
