So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
