so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
