Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize