also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
