just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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