Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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