why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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