We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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