Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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