my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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