i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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