there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
