My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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