I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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