Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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