They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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