She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
