thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
