Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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