if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
