This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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