i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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