can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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