did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
