I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
