he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
