just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
