Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
