I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
