u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
