No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
