I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
