I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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