i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
