Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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