How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
