Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
