I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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