Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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