u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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