u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
