I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
