That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
