so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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