I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm at about main and main street
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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