dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
