how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
