I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my being single is dangerous.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
