I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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